


For Want of a Nail

by Brennan4



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anxiety Attacks, Canon-Typical Violence, Hide Big Bang 2018, Illustrations, M/M, Manga Spoilers, copious references to superhero comics
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-28
Updated: 2018-06-04
Packaged: 2019-05-14 21:43:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14777765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Brennan4/pseuds/Brennan4
Summary: "Neither Kaneki nor Rize fully understood the implication of this turn of events. The universe hinges on small details, and a mild change can alter its course. They had both just  unknowingly avoided what would have been been one of the most important incidents in their lives. The course of history itself was now skewed, and the consequences would slowly make themselves known. They were living in a new universe, better in some ways, worse in others. At least in this reality Kaneki was spared having to pay for the food Rize didn’t eat."





	1. Bad Dates

_ _

_ 5 Minutes Until Divergence Point _

Kaneki still couldn’t believe what was happening. 

 

He was on a date! With a girl! Who seemed to like books! And him! Surely the axis of the universe must have tilted to accommodate a sequence of events to threw a beautiful, book-loving girl his way.  That alone is crazy enough, but for a girl to be interested in him, commonly described by others as nerdy or obnoxious, over Hide was almost unheard off, as this sort of thing happened depressingly often in high school.'

 

What was even more surprising to him was that the date seemed to be going pretty well. Rize seemed engrossed in conversation, given that she hadn’t touched her food yet.

 

“My favorite is her newest work, ‘Black Goat’s Egg’. The murderous, devilish mother, the ‘Black Goat,’ and her son who sympathizes with her even though he doesn’t want to, on the basis of karma…” Rize had been going on for a while, and Kaneki couldn’t remember the last time he had such an in-depth talk about literature. Even his classmates at Kamii could barely match his interest in reading, and they were all studying literature!

 

“...the inability to resist one’s heritage and circumstances… it really makes you think.” Rize finished. She leaned in close to Kaneki, a carefree smile on her face.

 

Then, she touched him.

 

It was a simple thing, really. She just  brushed his hand, a flirty smile on her face.  It was a small, gentle gesture, totally appropriate in the context of this date. And yet it sent shivers up Kaneki’s arm. 

 

Kaneki had no idea why he felt so surprised at this. After all, that was sort of the point of dates, right? If anything, he should have been the one making the first move. The fact that Rize was as accommodating of his shyness should be seen as another gift from the tilted universe.

 

However, something felt... wrong.

 

It was a familiar kind of wrongness, one he recognized, but had not experienced for years. A familiar list of sensations hit Kaneki all at once. His heart raced. Something hurt in his chest. He struggled to get air in and out of his lungs. His entire body was like a computer with too many programs open at one time. Everything was slowing down and crashing at the same time. The various parts of his body were all sending warning signals, too many for his brain to properly process. 

 

Rize was still talking, but she realized something might be wrong, and paused. 

 

“Are you okay?” Kaneki felt like he was going to fall out of his chair. Had he been standing up he would have completely lost his balance. 

 

“I’m fine… It’s just-” Shortness of breath cut of his words. Something in his brain was screaming ‘ _ NOT SAFE! NOT SAFE! _ ’ over and over again. He felt like a gazelle that had just realized what it thought was a log was really a crocodile.

 

“I have to go!” He yelped.  He got up and bolted for the door. For some reason being outside of the restaurant was helping, but he still needed fresh air. He was halfway to his apartment when he realized he should feel guilty for leaving Rize with the bill.

 

But it was too late to turn back now. The thought of going back now was causing him as much anxiety as being in that restaurant had. He needed to let this episode finish before he could even hope to salvage the date.

 

Neither Kaneki nor Rize fully understood the implication of this turn of events. The universe hinges on small details, and a mild change can alter its course. They had both just  unknowingly avoided what would have been been one of the most important incidents in their lives. The course of history itself was now skewed, and the consequences would slowly make themselves known. They were living in a new universe, better in some ways, worse in others. At least in this reality Kaneki was spared having to pay for the food Rize didn’t eat.

* * *

 

_ Two Hours After Divergence Point _

Kaneki spent an hour or two lying in bed, catching his breath and staring at the ceiling. Eventually he decided that the whole date was a lost cause and he would be better off if he never saw Rize again. He wondered why this whole thing had happened. Maybe the realization of how out of his league Rize was finally kicked in? Maybe it was because she touched him? Kaneki didn’t like when people touched him, it almost always made him feel an odd kind of uncomfortable. 

 

Except for Hide…

 

He should talk to Hide. Hide would understand. Hide always seemed to know Kaneki better than Kaneki knew himself.

 

He sent his friend a long, rambling text message, trying to explain what had happened. Within minutes a brightly dressed boy was knocking on his door. Kaneki groggily rolled off the bed to answer. It had to be past midnight, but Hide was as enthusiastic as ever. The boy was a morning person who kept his level of energy up 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. 

 

Hide gave Kaneki a gentle hug and immediately Kaneki felt better. It was like the threat alarms in his brain finally died down. He was safe.

 

“How ya’ doin’ Kaneki?” Kaneki laughed, then sighed. 

 

“I’ve been better.” A rare serious look fell over Hide’s face, his smile vanishing for a few seconds as Hide’s eyes scanned Kaneki, fully taking in his friend’s emotional state. Then the soft smile returned, lighting up his whole face.

 

“Listen, I know you’re feeling pretty sucky, but i don’t want you to worry, okay? What you’re feeling is probably pretty normal.” 

 

“I don’t know. Running off in the middle of a date like a weirdo, well, it’s something a weirdo would do.”

 

“You’re not a weirdo!” Hide gripped Kaneki’s shoulder. “Dating is a scary thing sometimes, especially when you’re new at it. And honestly, you don’t have the most social experience. And that’s okay! You just have to learn, and move at your own pace.” Kaneki laughed a little bit. They slowly wandered into Kaneki’s room, Hide keeping a reassuring hand on Kaneki’s shoulder the whole time. 

 

“It’s funny, you sound like you have experience in this, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen you go on a date before.” Hide shrugged. 

 

“We can’t all be as lucky as you, having a cute girl with a passion for our favorite author pop up at our favorite cafe.” Kaneki rolled his eyes. 

 

“It’s not like girls haven’t expressed interest in you.” Hide shrugged again. 

 

“I don’t know! It’s just never felt like the right time.” Hide and Kaneki both sat down on the foot of Kaneki’s bed. Kaneki yawned. He was getting pretty drowsy, but Hide was as perky as ever.

 

“I can tell I’m losing you. You should get some sleep, Kaneki.”

 

“Yeah, I guess.”

 

“But don’t go to bed feeling bad. Remember, someone out there has it worse than you.” Kaneki laid back, his eyes half closed. 

 

“Yeah, like who?” He mumbled.

 

“I don’t know? All those guys who gotten eaten by that binge eater ghoul.”

 

“Thanks. Now I’m gonna have dreams about my date being a ghoul and eating me.” Kaneki groaned out. 

 

“By the way, there was something cool I read about ghouls I meant to tell you while we were at Anteiku.”

 

“Can it wait till tomorrow?” Kaneki grumbled. 

 

“No! I’ll forget again.” Hide huffed. “Apparently there’s this really rare thing where some people can detect when they’re in the presence of a ghoul. Triggers their fight-or-flight response.”

 

“What, like  Spider-man’s thing?” Kaneki’s exhaustion seeped into his words.

 

“Apparently! It’s super rare, like a one in a million thing.” 

 

“Well if I had it, I’d know you’re not a ghoul.” Kaneki murmured, half wake.

 

“What do you mean by that?” Kaneki had rolled over, his face now in his pillow. 

 

“Cuz I always feel so safe around you.” If his eyes weren’t in his pillow, he would have seen Hide’s cheeks go a little pink. 

 

“Good night Kaneki.”

 

“G’night, Hide.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to https://skiewrites.tumblr.com/ for the beta work and http://orogenese.tumblr.com/ for the great artwork. All of the artwork can be found here: http://orogenese.tumblr.com/tagged/for-want-of-a-nail


	2. More than friends

_ _

_ Five days after divergence point _

Kaneki continued to feel pretty crappy for the next couple of days, but fortunately he had Hide to help him through it. His friend was particularly kind and understanding in this period, and Kaneki often caught himself wondering what he would do without him. They spent more time together than usual, and Hide seemed aware of how much Kaneki was appreciating his companionship, despite his changed behaviour towards Kaneki.

The two spent most of their time on campus or in Kaneki’s apartment, both aware that going back to Anteiku would remind Kaneki of the failed date, though neither admitted it aloud. The way Hide acted around Kaneki was unusual too. He was quieter than normal, content to wait silently as Kaneki read or did homework. Kaneki appreciated just knowing that Hide was around, and that neither of them needed anything more than each other’s company.

Not for the first time, Kaneki thought about how lucky he was to have someone like Hide in his life. Sometimes he wondered why Hide stuck by him, when someone as outgoing and friendly as Hide could be the center of any social circle. Why would Hide choose to spend his time with someone so quiet and withdrawn? Kaneki often felt like he bored or depressed his best friend.

On their way to their Asian History lecture, he asked Hide about this. His friend looked confused by the question. 

“Why would I want to hang out with anyone else? What’s so great about other people?”

“I don’t know! They’re more exciting or interesting, I guess. All day I either read books or talk with you about books. Other people have drama and adventures and stuff like that.”

“Who needs all that?” Hide became indignant at Kaneki’s line of questioning. “I don’t want to hang around a bunch of people that remind me of myself. Would you want to hang around a bunch of people who read books all day?”

“I mean, that’s kind of what a book club is.”

“Are you in a book club?”

“Well, no…”

“There you have it! I like hanging around you for the same reason you like hanging around me. We complement each other.”

Kaneki understood Hide’s logic but still felt a little unconvinced. He was grateful for Hide’s attachment to him, especially at times like these, but sometimes he felt like he was holding his friend back. In particular he felt responsible for Hide’s lack of romantic endeavors. Hide had seen him try and fail to go out with girls, but he never saw Hide even express interest in the concept. Sure, sometimes Hide would joke about the idea, like when he asked out the waitress at Ateiku, but it never felt genuine. If anything, it was usually poking fun at whatever doomed romantic entanglement Kaneki had gotten into. The recent failure with Rize reminded Kaneki just how inept he was at these things, and how much he relied on Hide’s support. Hide spent so much time taking care of Kaneki, focusing all of his attention on Kaneki’s emotional burden. He probably had little time for a love life. Additionally, Hide’s closeness to an odd person like Kaneki probably drove interested girls away. Hide was too kind to talk about this with Kaneki, but internally Kaneki suspected it to be true.

* * *

  
  


Kaneki was never the type to be too interested in the news. Politics, the economy, and celebrity gossip held little interest to him. Sports in particular bored him to no end. So he was not paying to close attention to his TV, content to focus on his Midterm essay while Hide watched, engrossed in whatever state the world found itself in this morning. 

“Hey, Kaneki, they’re saying they found more Binge Eater victims.”

Kaneki looked up and saw the faces of the victims, mostly photos from work profiles or student IDs. They looked like the previous victims. With so many victims, a pattern in the Binge Eater’s tastes had emerged. All of the victims had been young men in their early to mid-twenties. None of them had been athletic, and all of them were either students, trainees, or employed at mid-level office jobs. Although neither would say it, Kaneki and Hide were both acutely aware that they matched the victim profile. The threat of ghoul predation had rarely come to the forefront of Kaneki’s mind. Though nobody liked to admit it, most people knew that the majority of ghoul victims were from vulnerable populations. The poor, the sick, and the homeless made up most of the ghouls’ food supply. The sad reality was that the easiest victims were people who would not be missed by society at large. It was an unspoken truth that the CCG mostly stepped in when a high profile ghoul case broke this profile and went after more well-off people.

This case seemed to be setting off those alarms at CCG headquarters. The sheer number of victims had prompted them to expand the task force, taking investigators from the thirteenth Ward and even two investigators stationed at Cochlea. These two in particular struck Kaneki as odd, even by the CCG’s standards. One was a tall, young man with a smooth face like a doll. The other was short and round, his face a stitched patchwork of scars. Kaneki was glad to have the CGG keeping humanity safe, though sometimes he wondered where they found some of their recruits.

The whole story was freaking Kaneki out. His taste in literature had made him aware how easy it was for horrifying creatures to hide amongst their prey. The news report was an unpleasant reminder that nobody knew the people around them as well as they thought. One could easily be caught off guard by their true nature. Kaneki’s experience with his aunt proved this, as he had realized too late how easily he could be mistreated and nobody on the outside knew anything was wrong. 

Hide seemed to recognize that Kaneki was getting creeped out and shot him a reassuring smile.  He flipped through the channel and landed on some American movie with lots of explosives. Kaneki turned his attention back to his essay. At least there was one person he knew he could always be safe around.

* * *

 

Kaneki followed close behind Hide as they went towards the science department buildings. Kaneki rarely went to this part of campus so he relied on his friend for navigation as they walked through long hallways lined with labs. 

“So how well do you know this Nishiki guy?” Asked Kaneki.

“Not that well, but he’s the only one with the festival DVD.”

“You say that like you don’t look forward to seeing him.”

“I guess not. There’s something… different about him. Not to be mean, but I think I might hate him.”

“That weird. You like everybody. Even that kid in the first row of Asian History who’s into conspiracy theories about World War II.” Hide mocked surprise. 

“That guy’s funny! Besides, Nishiki isn’t too bad to hang around with. Most of the time, at least. But he’s been acting off the last few weeks.”

“He’s a senior, right? Maybe he’s worried about graduation.”

“Maybe. It’s more like he’s irritated, like someone keeps pissing him off. He might be having trouble with his girlfriend or something. They’re pretty close. Whatever the reason, it would be best to stay out of his way.”

They entered Nishiki’s lab, where the upperclassman was furiously looking over test results. Hide put on his usual cheery demeanor, and only an expert like Kaneki would have been able to realize he was faking just a little bit.

“Hey there, you got that DVD?”

Nishiki sighed and turned away from his work. As his gaze fell upon Kaneki, inducing a sudden wave of panic. Kaneki’s back went straight like a rod. His eyes locked with Nishiki’s and he could not look away. It was like the one at the restaurant with Rize, if a little less intense, as if he had too many programs open to function properly, but not so many that he couldn’t function. He felt a sudden shortness of breath. He tried to calm himself, not wanting Nishiki to notice. Hide was here this time. That was good. He was safe. But then he suddenly felt his friend might be in danger too, causing his breath to hitch again. 

“It’s back at my house. Want to go get it with me?” Nishiki said in a tired, irritated tone. He appeared unaware of Kaneki’s terror. 

Hide glanced at Kaneki and seemed to recognize the distress his friend was in despite his attempts to hide it from view. His reaction was subtle and Nishiki didn’t seem to notice. Hide feigned casual disinterest with an exaggerated shrug.

“Nah, you’re busy, I’m busy, I’ll get it another time.”

“You said you needed it by today.” Nishiki growled out. 

“It’s not a big deal. Sorry to be bothering you!” Hide was already dragging Kaneki away, denying Nishiki the chance to respond further. 

Once they had gotten away from the lab, Kaneki was calming down. Hide gripped his friend in a tight embrace and they both stood in silence as Kaneki’s breathing slowly returned to normal, like only Hide himself was able to close the many programs open in his mind. Hide was like a human Task Manager program. 

“Did it happen again?” asked Hide gently.

“Y-yeah, I think so,” mumbled Kaneki. “It wasn’t as bad as last time, but it just came out of nowhere.” Hide sighed. 

“Maybe you should talk to someone about this. I’ll do anything I can to help, but I’m not an expert on this sort of thing.”

“Maybe not, but you help me a lot.”Hide beamed. 

“No problem. If there’s anything I can do to help, just let me know, okay? You can get through this.”

* * *

  
  


Kaneki did not get a wink of sleep that night. 

He had always been a little bit of an insomniac, but lately his mind just refused to slow down. Each night he had been consumed with thoughts about recent developments in his life. The depressing failure of his date with Rize was forcing him to rethink the way he imagined his relationships with other people. It was becoming clear that being around other people made him feel unsafe, though he did not understand why. Ever since he was little he felt threatened by others. He knew he was not strong enough to defend himself and too many people seemed to want to hurt him for no reason. He thought he would grow out of these feelings but if anything they were getting worse.

There was, of course, one exception. The last few days had made it clear how important his relationship with Hide was, and that Kaneki would not be able to handle life without him. The closer to the two boys were to one another, the better Kaneki felt. They were different from most friendly relationships Kaneki had observed. There was deeper, unspoken communication and a softer, more intimate way of interacting that just wasn’t present with other friendships that he’s observed, in fact, it was much more similar to romantic relationship rather than platonic-

Oh.

All of this was making a cruel reality depressingly clear: Kaneki’s feelings for his friend went deeper than just friendship. This by itself was not a bad thing, but it was causing Kaneki to want something more than their current relationship could provide. He wanted something Hide could not reciprocate.

This by itself was distressing enough, but the real kicker was that it make Kaneki feel like a liar. He was trapped in a paradox. He hated the idea of keeping something from his friend, but he was afraid that it would jeopardize their relationship. Ever since his first panic attack a few weeks ago the two had been growing closer, and Kaneki was finding it harder and harder to hide behind denial. He knew that Hide would not want him to hide a crush on anyone else from him (having teased Kaneki about it in the past). Their relationship was moving fast into an unknown territory and was out of his control. He knew how he felt, he knew what was happening, and he had no idea what to do about it.

He was desperately afraid that this would change his relationship with Hide, which he needed so badly right now. What if it made Hide uncomfortable? What if he drifted away? Whatever he said, Hide did have other options for friends. At this point Kaneki was much more dependent on Hide than Hide was on him. Could he really afford to push his best friend away, even just a little?

At about 3:00 he had an epiphany. He had to bite the bullet. Anything was better than this weird emotional limbo.  Hide was just about the kindest, most understanding person Kaneki had ever met. If anyone could deal with their lifelong friend having a sudden gay crush on them it was him. He would probably be able to let Kaneki down easy, giving him closure. Then maybe things could go back to normal.

* * *

 

When Hide came over to his apartment, his face had a default expression that Kaneki recognized as uncomfortable but pretending not to be. The voicemail Kaneki had sent was vague and rambling, so he couldn’t blame Hide for not knowing what to expect.

“You said you needed to talk?” asked Hide cautiously.

“Yeah,” said Kaneki, working up every ounce of courage he had in his body. “I’ve been having some complicated feelings.”

“Aw man, feelings are the worst.” Hide’s everything-is-fine-look-how-happy-I-am act was weaker than normal. “Sometimes I think we’d be better off without them.”

“Yeah, maybe,” said Kaneki. “I’ve been having these feelings and I can’t keep them to myself anymore. I think that I’m well… I’ve been…”

“Stabbing people?” Hide asked.

“..gay.” said Kaneki at the same time. Then both boys fell over in shock.

“What? Stabbing people?” Kaneki yelled. “What the hell? You think I’m trying to tell you I’m a serial killer?”

“I don’t know! You read all those creepy books, you’re quiet, polite, keep to yourself. It could happen!”

“I’m not a serial killer Hide!”

“I’m glad to hear that, though I’d support you if you were.”

“No! Just… What? You shouldn’t be supportive of that!”

“Whatever, forget it. We’re getting off track. Did you just say you were gay?”

Kaneki’s shock and confusion died down. “Well, bisexual, I guess? I think I still like girls, I just, you know…”

“Clearly I don’t know, since I thought you were just going to confess you’d been stabbing people!”

“I like you, okay! God!” Kaneki felt all of his energy drain at that last exclamation. 

There it was, the cat was out of the bag.

“Are you being serious?! That’s great!” Hide said excitedly, smiling widely.

“What do you mean, ‘great’? Shouldn’t you be like, uncomfortable or something?” Kaneki replied. 

“Why? I like you too. I’ve liked you for a while, but I thought you were just into girls.” Hide admitted, rubbing the back of his neck bashfully.

A beat of silence. 

“What!? You do!?” Kaneki no longer understood anything that was going on. “You understand that I mean I like you like you, as in, I want to be your boyfriend, right?”

“Yeah! I want to be your boyfriend too.” Hide pulled Kaneki into a gentle hug. “We’d be great boyfriends.”

Kaneki decided to give up and just roll with it, as he clearly had no idea what was happening anymore. “Are you being serious about this, Hide?”

Hide looked Kaneki square in the eyes. “I am. You’re so, so special to me Kaneki, and I’d like to be as close to you as possible. Is that what you want?”

“Yeah. I want that too. I want it more than anything.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Check out this pic of Rize and Kaneki's date from last chapter!  
> http://orogenese.tumblr.com/post/174376489233/for-want-of-a-nail-a-fanfiction-written-by


	3. You've Unlocked Hide's Tragic Backstory!

__

_Ten years before divergence point_

It sucked being the new kid at school. Everybody noticed Hide, but nobody wanted to pay attention to him. He was an awkward disturbance to the already confusing mess of relationships that made up a middle school social scene. Hide had trouble blaming them. Dealing with your ever-changing feelings for your classmates was hard enough without adding some new kid into the mix. It was easier to just ignore him.

Of course, just because he understood did not mean Hide had to be happy about it. With each passing day, his smile became a little more forced, his bright persona a bit more of an act. It was easy enough during class because he could throw himself into the material, boring as it was. But whenever the teachers stopped talking, whenever the kids had to fend for themselves, he was alone. Bus rides, lunch breaks, and PE classes were all torture. It was a weird feeling, being alone even when other people were around you.

Eventually, Hide realized that someone else was alone with him. Unlike Hide, this person appeared to be alone by choice. Ken Kaneki was the quietest kid in class. He stayed out of everybody’s way and took any free time to read rather than socialize. At first, Hide tried to avoid disturbing him, but soon he became desperate. He cornered the poor boy while he was reading alone.

“What are you reading? Is it interesting?” Hide didn’t mean to yell, but for some reason he could not control his volume. Fortunately, his loud voice pulled Kaneki right out of his book and grabbed his undivided attention.

“Uh, yeah…” Kaneki was mumbling, and seemed a little scared.

“You’re always reading by yourself…” Oh crap. First Hide scared Kaneki, and now he was insulting him. “I didn’t mean it like that. It’s just that I moved here recently, so I don’t have any friends yet!”

Hide shot Kaneki his most practiced smile, as big and warm as he could manage. “So do you want to be friends with me?”

Kaneki nervously agreed, and Hide kept up his smile to hide how afraid he was of making Kaneki uncomfortable.

Over time, Hide would realize that Kaneki’s shy demeanor was just his default mode. The boy shuffled through life with his head held low, often hidden in a book. For a long time, Hide worried that he was frightening his friend, but eventually came to accept that this was just what Kaneki was like. It was like he was always afraid of something, and he hid in his books. This particularly confused Hide, as his books were full of horror and nightmares. What could be so scary that these books would be comforting?

* * *

 

_Seven years before Divergence point_

One day, the two boy were walking home together, a habit the two had kept up for years. At a certain point in their route their paths diverged, which was usually when they said goodbye. This time, Kaneki just stopped in his tracks. He looked lost in thought.

“What’s wrong?” Asked Hide.

“Could I come over to your house?” Kaneki seemed miles away. “I just… I’d like to stay somewhere else right now.”

Hide had no idea what was prompting this odd behavior but enthusiastically welcomed his friend over. The two had never had a sleepover and Hide was thrilled by the idea. As the two walked to Hide’s house, Kaneki kept close to Hide. His body language seemed much more relaxed than usual. It looked like a big weight had been lifted off his shoulders. As Hide expected, Kaneki did not take to the usual sleepover activities, despite Hide’s prodding. Kaneki just kept reading, looking up from his book occasionally to show he was paying at least a little attention to whatever Hide was rambling about. He looked content. Apparently all he needed to feel at ease was Hide’s presence.

Hide was glad that Kaneki enjoyed himself, but nagging doubts that he had for a while began to intensify. What did Kaneki want to avoid? He knew that his friend had lost both of his parents, but that was about it. Kaneki did not like to talk about his personal life. It was one of many boundaries that Hide had learned to respect over the years. However, his concerns were becoming too great for him to ignore. He would have to do some investigating.

“It’s not fair for you to see my house if I can’t see yours! “ Hide declared. “I’m not sure my aunt would like that…” Kaneki was, as always, horrible at saying no to people. Hide wanted to work on that at some point, but first things first.

“Nonsense! Everybody loves me. The teachers say I’m a ‘charming young man.’ Your aunt will be fine.”

* * *

 

One look at Mrs. Asaoka revealed she would not, in fact, be a fan of Hide. He was proud of his knowledge of body language, but Hide did not need to be an expert to recognize her disdain for him. The same disdain seemed to apply to her nephew as well. She put on a slightly sincere smile, but Hide knew right away that she regarded their presence with annoyance. However, Hide knew how to get around her. He introduced himself in as much detail as possible. He spoke loudly and quickly, and soon she was happy to send the boys up to Kaneki’s room, just to get them out of her hair.

Hide spent most of his stay pestering Kaneki with an endless stream of information about movies, manga, and American music, but his mind was focused on his surroundings. It quickly became clear that Kaneki did not have a happy home life. The poor boy retreaded into a small corner in his already small room, nestled between bookcases. Nothing in the room except the books seemed to provide comfort. No posters, toys, or video games. The room was halfway between a library and a prison cell. Hide decided he would pay a little visit to the warden.

He told Kaneki he wanted a snack and dashed out of the room before his friend could protest. He found Mrs. Asaoka in the kitchen, cradling a glass of wine even though it was around 3:30 in the afternoon.

“I’d like a snack please, Mrs. Kaneki’s Aunt!” He braced himself for the cruel glare she shot him.

“Don’t they feed you enough at that school?”

Hide kept up his smile through her cold gaze. “Not really! In fact, poor Kaneki has shown a lot of the signs of long-term malnourishment. You should probably feed him more while he’s at home.”

Mrs. Asaoka lost all pretensions of politeness. “You shouldn’t tell your elders what to do.”

“You should do your job as a legal guardian.”

The two stood in awkward silence for a moment, each waiting for the other to back down. After letting her bask in the uncomfortable situation for a little while, Hide broke the silence.

“It sure would be a shame if someone accused you of being neglectful.” He accused. Mrs. Asaoka crept closer to Hide, leaning over him.

“Nobody would believe you. We both know the brat is too shy to stand up for himself. That’s probably why you like him so much? He’s the only one shy enough to tolerate you.” Hide grabbed a large bag of chips off the kitchen counter.

“Thanks for the snack, Mrs. Kaneki’s Aunt!” He dashed up the stairs with his prize before she could object.

* * *

 

A few days later the boys again reached the point where their routes diverged. As Kaneki waved goodbye, his movements soaked with reluctance, Hide ran over and grabbed his shoulder.

“I almost forgot! I have something for you!”

“Why? It’s not my birthday or anything.”

Hide huffed. “Who needs a reason to give a present?  Have this.” He pulled a soft stuffed bunny out of his backpack.

“Aren’t we a little old for stuffed animals?” asked Kaneki, puzzled.

“You need something youthful and cute in your life, Kaneki! “ Hide retorted. “Always reading those creepy books.  If you’re not careful, you’ll forget what fun is!”

Kaneki shot Hide a look that suggested he had barely know what fun was to begin with. “This is kind of weird, Hide.”

“Don’t say that!” Hide clutched the bunny close to his chest defensively. “You’ll hurt Kafka-kun’s feelings.”

Kaneki somehow managed to look even more confused. “Kafka-kun? You named the rabbit after a Bohemian Surrealist novelist!”

“Yeah, because you like Kafka, and he’s going to be your new friend.” Hide thrust the bunny into Kaneki’s arms.

“I don’t need another friend,” said Kaneki, looking the bunny over. “I have you.”

“But I can’t be with you all the time! You need someone to keep you company at home.”

Kaneki examined the bunny again. He hugged it experimentally. “Alright.  Kafka-kun can stay with me. But just because you hold him in so high a regard! A friend of Hideyoshi Nagachika is a friend of mine.” Hide laughed and punched the air triumphantly.

* * *

 

A few months later Hide trailed Kaneki back to his house.

“I want to check up on Kafka-Kun!” He explained. “You had better be treating him with the same love he has for you!”

Kaneki rolled his eyes and showed Hide that the rabbit was fine, prominently displayed atop his pillow. It was amazing how the presence of just one item made the whole room feel more inviting. The two boys quickly settled into their usual routine, Hide rambling as Kaneki read. After Hide felt an appropriate amount of time had passed he bid his friend goodbye and walked down the stairs, creeping into the Asaoka’s kitchen. He found his target again clutching a glass of wine at an early hour in the day.

“Oh, hi Mrs. Kaneki’s Aunt” said Hide, acting casual even though he clearly made a beeline right for her. “Funny thing happened at school today.” Mrs. Asaoka rolled her eyes but Hide continued undeterred. “In PE class they weighed all the students and guess what? Your nephew is unhealthily underweight.”

Mrs. Asaoka crossed her arms. “What should I do about it? Not my fault the kid is skinny.”

“Well, it’s funny you should ask that!” Hide was fully aware his cheerful tone sounded faker than usual. He opened up his backpack and pulled out a CD case. “You’re a fine example of health yourself. I understand you had a drug test at work last week, and you passed with flying colors.”

Mrs. Asaoka’s body went rigid with unease. “What do you know about that?”

Hide kept smiling, but a serious look fell over his eyes. “You see, your boss’s private quarters are really easy to break into, only one cheap lock! You can jimmy the door open if you push just right.  So it wasn’t hard for me to sneak in and grab a tape from the security camera.”

Now the smile left Hide’s face altogether. He flipped the CD case casually in his hand. “But you already know the room was easy to break into, don’t you. That why you were able to sneak in after hours and swap the results of your drug test. What you didn’t realize is your boss spent the money he saved on locks on a security camera.”

Hide tried not to take too much satisfaction in the look of horror on her face. “He doesn’t check the footage all that often, but I think he would be interested to see what’s on this disc, don’t ya think?”

A smile returned too Hide’s face. He made no effort to resist as Mrs. Asaoka grabbed the CD from his hand. “I made copies, dummy.”

“Well played, brat,” said Mrs. Asaoka. “You sure do care about that kid, don’t you?”

She leaned in close and handed back the CD. “I’ll feed him more. The useless little lump is probably gonna get fat when he gets older anyway. “

As Hide was walking out the door, she added, “You know he’s never going to feel the same way about you. You should find another pathetic loner to be your little boyfriend. This one’s lost in his own little world. There isn’t room for you in it.”

Hide stuck his tongue out at her and slammed the door.

* * *

  _Five years before divergence point_

Hide had learned a long time ago that Kaneki was not comfortable letting people touch him. Over time he had made an exception for Hide, but even then Hide knew not to push too hard. It sometimes made Hide sad that his friend avoided close contact with people, but Kaneki never seemed to mind. He knew that any time he asked for it Hide would gladly embrace, hug, or snuggle him without hesitation. Kaneki seemed to have found a balance between his comfort and his need for physical affection, and Hide respected that. This is why Hide quickly noticed that during the beginning of their senior year Kaneki suddenly started to receive a lot more physical contact, from two specific people.

The first person to start touching Kaneki was their classmate Yomishiro, a petite, polite girl that Kaneki was clearly smitten with. She was quiet, gentle, and brainy, everything Kaneki could ask for. There had been many girls over the years that Kaneki had expressed interest in, though none of them really ever noticed him. Yomishiro was different. She was not put off by his awkward demeanor or his constant reading. She was pretty low on the social totem pole, a common target for the popular girls. She shared Kaneki’s desire to be avoided and unnoticed by most of the class, and the two felt comfortable in each other’s presence.

Hide was incredibly jealous of his friend’s blooming relationship. At first he thought it was just because Kaneki might get a girlfriend before him, which was a little pathetic. However, as Hide quietly watched the two discuss Kaneki’s latest book he realized he was more upset that Kaneki wanted to spend time with someone else. The realization made Hide feel terrible. For years he had hoped Kaneki would open up to the rest of humanity, and now that he had Hide wanted to keep Kaneki for himself.

“I read the book you suggested, Kaneki,” said Yomishiro.

Kaneki couldn’t look much happier. “You did? Did you like Monochrome Rainbow?”

“Er, yeah. But it was kind of creepy.” Yomishiro smiled politely. She peeked over Kaneki’s desk to look at his book bag. “Do you have anything more upbeat? The other day I saw you reading something by C.S. Lewis. He’s the guy that wrote those Narnia books, right? I loved the movies when I was a kid.”

“That was the Screwtape Letters,” said Hide, a slightly sour tone to his voice. “It’s about two demons discussing the best way to guide men’s souls into hell.”

The three of them spent the next few moments in awkward silence. The moment had been ruined. Hide felt a little terrible. He needed to get over his jealousy soon or he was going to turn into a total jerk. At some point the bell rang and they were all mercifully released from the uncomfortable situation. As they split up to go to their next classes, Kaneki pulled Hide aside.

“By the way, I’m not going to be able to walk home with you today, sorry.”

“Why not?” Hide did his best to hide his disappointment.

“Coach Ito is doing another one of his after-school training sessions. I’m gonna go.”

Hide made no attempt to disguise his confusion or his disapproval. “You’re gonna hang out with all those jocks instead of me?”

“Coach Ito says that I’ve gained enough weight that I could be ready for some muscle growth.”

“Why do you care about muscles? You don’t need them for anything. And you hate Coach Ito.”

Coach Ito was the other person who had been touching Kaneki recently. Kaneki’s demeanor around him could not be more different than around Yomishiro. Kaneki was clearly terrified of the man, even more so than he typically was around alpha male personalities. Kaneki often looked like he struggled to breath in the coach’s presence. Worst of all, Ito seemed to take a special interest in the boy. After Kaneki had reached a healthy weight, Ito appeared to view him as a special project. In all of their gym classes he paid particular attention to Kaneki, showing him special stretches and exercises. This involved a lot of physical contact, which Kaneki clearly loathed. Yet for some reason he never resisted. Kaneki had never shown much interest in exercise before, so why would he start now?

“I don’t want to be a scrawny bookworm anymore, Hide.”

“It never bothered you before,” replied Hide, visibly annoyed. “It never bothered me either. You’re fine the way you are.”

“Girls might notice me more if I bulked up a little. I’ve got to go to class, Hide. See you later.”

Hide spent the rest of the day fuming. Suddenly his close friend was drawing attention from others. He was unable to do anything about the positive attention Kaneki received from Yomishiro, and it was pretty weird that he wanted to anyway. He should be happy that Kaneki was coming out of his shell. Ito, on the other hand, was a different story. Hide had researched a fair amount about the different ways adults could harm children, having long ago become fearful for Kaneki’s ability to look out for himself. Now it seemed like that fear might be justified. Even if Coach Ito was not what Hide suspected, Kaneki was clearly not prepared to handle the discomfort the man caused. He was too kind for his own good, and one day that would get him hurt. Unless Hide was able to do something about it.

Hide was afraid that breaking into private offices was becoming a bad habit. In fairness, adults should be buying security that a dumb teenager like him could not sneak past. They should also stop being terrible people with something to hide, or else the situation could be avoided in the first place. Hide and all of his classmates had the day off because all of the teachers had to go to some school board conference, Ito included. It was just the opportunity he had been waiting for. Hide had all of the time he needed to look through Ito’s office, and could rest knowing the coach would not show up. While his friends were enjoying a day of relaxation he was breaking and entering. Not for the first time, Hide wondered if he was becoming kind of a weird person.

In truth, Hide did not really know what he was looking for.  It was unlikely that evidence of Ito being a child predator would be casually hidden in his drawers, but Hide had to start somewhere. To his surprise, there was a pile of books hidden under a stack of files in a way that looked intentional. Hide was confused at first. It made sense for an exercise science specialist to have books on human anatomy, but why conceal them? And why were there cookbooks among them? It made no sense, until Hide found one last book on the very bottom. It was cheaply made, as if an independent printing press put it together for as little money as possible. The cover had a disgusting image of some unidentifiable mound of gore with a fork sticking out of it. The title read: “A Guide to Gourmet Human.”

Hide knew right away what this was. Ghoul paraphernalia. There was a healthy black market for literature aimed at ghouls, quietly published under the CCG’s nose. Hide had to get out of here quickly. His scent was probably all over the room. Ito could probably recognize Hide by smell, and it would be easy to get school records and find out where he lived. Hide crept out of the school, aware that there was little chance Ito was in the building but careful just in case. He ran up and down the streets of Tokyo looking for a payphone, distraught that such a device was becoming rarer in the modern age. Eventually he found one and dialed a number that had been drilled into his head by safety lectures and TV PSAs.

All it took was one anonymous call to the CCG. Hide barely had to tell them any details, just that he suspected Ito was a ghoul. The next day in class there was an announcement that Ito had been identified and exterminated by CCG investigators. Hide felt more relieved than he had ever been in his life. He had more sympathy for ghouls than most, and disapproved of a lot of the CCG’s actions. However, Kaneki would be safe.

That’s all that mattered.

Unfortunately, Kaneki would not be happy. He spent the next several days in a thick cloud of depression. He was even less conversational than usual, and even reading could not hold his interest. Sometimes he would stare blankly at the same page for several minutes.

“You know you can talk to me if there’s something bothering you, “ Hide said as they walked home one day.

“It’s not something you can help with. “

“You’d be surprised. I have all sorts of hidden talents.”

Kaneki did not respond, even with annoyance, to Hide’s exaggerated bragging. “Yomishiro’s parents are transferring her to another school. She only has about another week with us. Her parents are afraid because one of our teachers was a ghoul.”

“What sense does that make?” asked Hide. “Our school is probably the least likely one to have a ghoul. The CCG went over everything.”

“What do you care?” asked Kaneki, uncharacteristically angry. “You never liked her anyway.”

“Yeah, but you did. So I’m sorry you’re sad.”

A hint of a smile crept onto Kaneki’s face. “Thanks, I guess. At least I still have you, Hide. “

* * *

  _Five days after divergence point_

From then on Hide resolved to make sure Kaneki did not spend his life alone. Something about Rize had rubbed him the wrong way, but he respected Kaneki’s interest in her. He could see why Kaneki was drawn to her, even if she seemed a little out of his league. His ugly feelings of jealousy returned, but Hide had learned how to better control them. So he was sad when his friend told him the date had ended so poorly.

It became clear to Hide that Kaneki’s social awkwardness was part of a bigger, deeper problem. It was a problem rooted in all of his friend’s anxieties and neuroses, and one that could lead to a very unhappy lifestyle. Therefore, Hide took it upon himself to help Kaneki as much as possible. The two became closer and closer as Hide poured himself into giving Kaneki the support he needed. Kaneki might need his help for the rest of his life, and Hide was prepared to give it to him. He decided that this was the role he was meant to play in Kaneki’s life. He had been tormented for years by less than platonic feelings for his friend, always floating on his subconscious but constantly suppressed. Hide never imagined that Kaneki would return those feelings, or that he even could. Hide viewed these feelings as an obnoxious obstacle in his relationship with Kaneki.  Maybe now he would be able to keep them in check. He could be as close to Kaneki as he always wanted but without needing his feelings returned.

Then Kaneki threw him a total curve ball. Hide was delighted to learn that his friend was not, in fact, a serial killer. Hide had meant it when he said he would support that lifestyle choice, but was glad he would not have to. Kaneki would be terrible at it anyway. But the truth of what his friend revealed to him was actually more surprising.

A whole surge of thoughts hit Hide at once. At first there was, pure, simple disbelief. It was like some cheesy manga, too good to be true. Then he was struck by a wave of guilt. Poor Kaneki had been struggling with this for a while, afraid his friend would reject him. Hide felt terrible that Kaneki had been afraid to tell him. But everything was washed away with joy. This was the answer to all of their problems.  Years of jealousy, awkwardness, anxiety, and loneliness could finally end. He could at last give Kaneki all the love he deserved.

“Yeah, I want that too. I want that more than anything.” As Kaneki spoke, tears were welling up in his eyes. Poor guy was never good at intense emotional moments like this. Hide pulled him into a tight embrace and soothingly rubbed his back.

“This is gonna be so good, Kaneki. Just you wait. We’re gonna be the best boyfriends ever.” Kaneki made a sound halfway between a laugh and a sob.

“I have no idea what I’m doing, Hide. How is this going to work? I don’t want to mess this up.”

“There, there,” Hide rubbed the back of Kaneki’s head. “We’ll figure it all out. This is gonna be great, you’ll see.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was supposed to be up a few hours ago but whatever. That just means I'll have Chapter 4 up a few hours after this.


	4. The Mysterious Transfer Student

__

_Two month after divergence point_

“Mhhm, soft. You’re so soft, Kaneki,” said Hide.

“You’re hogging the couch,” replied Kaneki, as his boyfriend’s lounging body pushed him into the cushioned armrest. Hide was now almost completely horizontal, his head resting on Kaneki’s stomach.

“Soft. So soft, ” was Hide’s only defense as he continued to monopolize couch space. He shifted and turned until he found a comfortable resting position. Then he was quiet for a few minutes. Eventually, he said, “I’m gonna sleep. Snuggle me.”

“Aren’t you gonna watch the movie?” asked Kaneki. “You picked this one.”

Hide huffed in annoyance. “Usually you’re the one who falls asleep when I pick the movie.”

“I like this one. It’s a cool origin story.” Kaneki replied.

“Figures that this is the only superhero movie you could get through. Batman’s the only one dark and creepy enough for you.”

Hide was quiet and still for a few minutes, and Kaneki thought he had gone to sleep. Suddenly, he shot up with a burst of energy. He crawled up along Kaneki’s body, firmly pinning him against the arm rest. Hide wrapped his arm around Kaneki’s shoulder. He asked, “What part are we at?”

“That creepy psychiatrist took the girl to his asylum.”

“Oh cool,” said. Hide. “This next part is really good.”

Kaneki agreed with Hide about the following coolness, but he quickly realized that Hide still was not paying close attention to the movie.  His head rested lazily on Kaneki’s shoulder as he stared up at his boyfriend. It was kind of distracting. Kaneki tried to ignore it, but after the car chase scene ended his attention waned and he shifted his body so he could meet Hide’s gaze.

“You’re staring at me.”

“That’s ‘cause you’re pretty.”

Kaneki hoped the room was dark enough that Hide could not see him blushing. “I’m handsome.”

“No, you’re pretty. And you’re cute. And sexy. And I guess you’re handsome too.”

Kaneki sighed loudly but failed to disguise the deeper blush spreading across his face. He had trouble getting used to the things Hide had started saying about him. Before they had started dating, he had enough trouble accepting Hide’s compliments, but now Hide was completely unrestrained. However, this was one of the few things about their new dynamic that Kaneki was having difficulty adapting to. It had been a smooth transition. They mostly kept doing the stuff they had done as friends, just a bit more often and a little more intimately.

Kaneki ruffled Hide’s hair. “I love you,” he whispered. Saying those words was not something Kaneki or Hide had trouble with, and they both started doing it early in the relationship. It felt kind of obvious, as the two had known each other long enough and well enough that it was not a surprise to hear those words.

Hide kissed Kaneki on the cheek. Kissing was another thing that came naturally, though they did not do it often, with Hide being more likely to initiate than Kaneki. Hide was more comfortable with physical affection in general, carefully assessing the oher’s needs and comfort level with physical contact over the course of their relationship. Case in point, Hide began rubbing Kaneki’s belly, which had been exposed as his sweater rode up after he was pushed into the corner of the couch.

“You have nice abs,” said Hide groggily. He clearly would not be awake for too much longer. Kaneki giggled, both at the words and because he was slightly ticklish.

“I really don’t. I’m flabby. You were just saying how soft I was earlier,” replied Kaneki.  As the two got more and more intimate, Kaneki had become comfortable with his physique. He knew that  neither he nor Hide were supermodels, but he liked Hide just the way he was and knew Hide felt the same way. Kaneki had started to notice that Hide was a little less confident about his own body and hoped to ease this with a steady string of affection. He didn’t have the unbridled encouragement energy Hide did, but he was making progress.

“Is the movie over?” Hide had clearly not been watching for the last several minutes.

“No.”

“Mhm. That’s too bad.” Said Hide as he shifted one last time and fell asleep. Kaneki soon joined him in unconsciousness.

* * *

  


Kaneki hated having classes in the morning. When he realized that the only time available for Asian History that fit into his schedule was at 8 in the morning he knew he would be in for some rough mornings. This was one such example. He could barely remember the material in the chapter he had read the previous night.

“What was the reading about?” he asked Hide, who was bright and chipper as ever. Hide was truly a morning person, and had happily signed up for the awful timeslot just so he could have a class with Kaneki.The early hours did nothing to remove the pep in his step. Kaneki, on the other hand, trudged along like a zombie.

“It was that thing about how Japan’s capital moved, remember?”

“Oh yeah. Hey could you do me a favor?”

“Sure. What do you want?”

Kaneki sighed. “Could you inject a cup of coffee straight into my artery?”

Hide laughed. “At least you’re not too tired to have a sense of humor.” The two sat down and watched their professor come in, who looked like he wanted to be there at this hour as much as Kaneki did.

“Good morning, everyone. Before we start I have a bit of news regarding the group projects. There is a new transfer student joining us this morning, which means that we now have an even number of students. As such, we will no longer need a group of three. One person from that group will have to split off. “

Kaneki happened to be in that group. He turned back and looked at the two students he had been working with. The groups were assigned alphabetically, so unfortunately Kaneki and Hide were not together. They looked back at him, their knowing stares telling him he was the one getting kicked out. He sighed. Now he would have to start over and he would need to introduce himself to the new transfer student. This thought made Kaneki realize he had not noticed a new student come in. The teacher had said the new student was joining them today, so that meant his new partner must already be in the room. But when he looked around, he did not see any unfamiliar faces. He was not too familiar with everyone in the class, maybe he just hadn’t noticed-

Suddenly the door burst open. “Sorry I’m late!” said a soft but energetic voice.

In stepped in one of the most unusual people Kaneki had ever seen. He was short, and wearing clothes that were clearly a few sizes to large. The loops of his suspenders hung lazily over his shoulder. His hair was bright, pale blonde. A few red clips were lodged in the front bangs. The new student was quite thin too, looking like he should barley be in high school, let alone in college. Most striking of all was the red criss crossed lines over the pale skin of his arms and neck. Kaneki could not quite see what they were. Maybe tattoos? Hide perked up, a look of recognition on his face.

“Hello everyone. I’m you’re new transfer student, Juuzou Suzuya!”

* * *

  


“What do you know about this transfer kid?” asked Kaneki sipping some much needed coffee. He and Hide had gone to Anteiku for a quick coffee break before their next class. “It seemed like you recognized him. “

Hide replied, “Yeah, I saw him yesterday in my English class. The kid’s basically fluent. He’s kind of…”

“Really strange?” offered Kaneki.

Hide shrugged. “Yeah pretty much. I don’t want to be judgmental but he seemed lost in his own little world. He clearly wasn’t paying attention to the lecture, but he seemed like he should be in a more advanced class anyway.”

“I can’t believe he’s going to be my new partner.”

“It won’t be too bad. Eccentric people like that are usually really smart, right?”

“I guess” said Kaneki, resignation in his voice. “Or maybe he’s just a weirdo.”

Hide laughed. “Cheer up. People probably say the same thing about you.”

“Any advice?”

Hide leaned back in his chair, thinking. “Maybe instead of meeting him in the library, take him to your apartment. A friendly gesture like that could go a long way. He’s a transfer student so he probably doesn’t know too many people. “

“That sounds like a good idea,” said Kaneki.

* * *

 

Several hours later Kaneki realized that this was not a good idea. Not only did Suzuya  not seem to have any interest in the project he was looking all around Kaneki’s apartment, inspecting his private possessions and touching them all.

“Your apartment is boooooooring” said Suzuya as he flipped through one of Kaneki’s books. “All you have are these books. Are you some kind of shut in?”

“No,” said Kaneki with exasperation as he took the book out of Suzuya’s hands. “Please help me with this. We have three weeks to put together a slide show about the history of Tokyo. I could really use your help.”

“But history is boring. It’s even more boring than your dumb apartment. Why should people care about stuff old dead people did. If they were so great, they wouldn’t be old and dead.”

“Then why take the class? You don’t have to take Asian History if you don’t want to. You don’t even have to go to college.”

“Yes I do, “said Suzuya, a hint of annoyance on his face. “I have to… well, I’m supposed to get to know some people my own age. “

“We could get to know each other by doing this project,” Kaneki offered.

“Nah, I think I’ll just look around your bedroom.”

“Hey, get back here!” Kaneki grabbed Suzuya, but he easily pulled out of his grip. Suzuya was surprisingly strong for someone his size. He was fast too. Before Kaneki knew it he was already in his bedroom.

“What’s this?” said Suzuya, holding up a stuffed bunny.

“That’s Kafka-kun, said Kaneki, a little embarrassed. “It’s, uh…my boyfriend gave it to me.”

“But what’s it do?” asked Suzuya.

“It doesn’t do anything, it’s just a toy.”

“So what is it for?”

Kaneki struggled to come up with an answer for these questions. Something was off about the way Suzuya was asking these things, like the idea of a stuffed bunny made no sense to him. “It’s for, well… it’s to be snuggled, and held, and loved. It’s soft and it feels nice to hold when you’re sleeping. It’s cute and it reminds me of my boyfriend.”

Suzuya looked at Kafka-kun thoughtfully. “This is cool. I wish I had one of these. It’s nice.”

Kaneki was dumbfounded. “Have you really never had a stuffed animal before?”

“Nope.” Suzuya squeezed Kafka-kun almost like he was experimenting. “I’ve never seen one of these before. Not that I can remember, anyway.”

Kaneki had an idea. “I could get you one, if you’d like.”

“Really?!” There was genuine excitement in Suzuya’s voice.

“Yeah. It doesn’t have to be a bunny either. There’s all kinds of animals.”

“Maybe I was wrong,” said Suzuya, bouncing on Kaneki’s bed. “You’re not boring after all.”

“I have just one condition. Help me with the project for just an hour, and I’ll get you your very own stuffed animal.”

“Wow, this place is great!” exclaimed Suzuya. “It’s so loud and colorful. College should be like this.”

“You’ve really never been to a toy store before?” asked Kaneki. Suzuya was a puzzle he couldn’t figure out. The kid was smart (true to his word he had been very helpful on the project) but he seemed to be missing several key life experiences. He was like a child who had never had a childhood.

“I’ve never been to a place like this. I can’t wait to come back!”

“What do you mean?”

Suzuya laughed. “Well, you’re gonna take me here every time I help you with the project, right?”

Kaneki grimaced. What had he gotten himself into?

“Oh, this one’s my favorite,” said Suzuya, holding up a large stuffed giraffe.  Kaneki hoped it wasn’t too expensive, but he struggled to care as he saw the look of pure delight on Suzuya’s face as he squeezed the toy.

“Alright, I’ll go pay for it.”

Suzuya rummaged through his pockets with one hand, the other tightly wrapped around the giraffe. “You’ll need this back.” He threw Kaneki a wallet. Kaneki looked inside and was dismayed to see his own ID. Suzuya grinned bashfully. “Sorry I grabbed this off of you earlier.”

Kaneki had a sinking feeling that this project was going to be a real pain.

* * *

  


As they walked back to campus, Suzuya was surprisingly quiet. The toy giraffe completely engrossed him. Kaneki noticed the red lines on his arms, still clamped tight around the toy. For the first time he had a close look at them, and saw they were string threaded through the skin.

“If you don’t mind me asking, what are those things on your arms.”

Suzuya looked up at Kaneki, almost surprised to be asked. “I put string through my arm . It’s like sewing, but for your body instead of your clothes. “

“Does it hurt?” asked Kaneki. He hoped it was not rude to ask.

Suzuya did not seem to mind. “A little, but that doesn’t bother me. Our bodies tell stories, but we don’t always write them. This is my way of writing mine with red pen.”

Kaneki nodded thoughtfully. “I have a book you might like.”

Suzuya shot him a doubtful look.

“No really! You’ll like it. I promise. It’s called  _The Illustrated Man._

It’s about a guy with tattoos all over his body that move, telling all sorts of stories.”

Suzuya looked kind of interested. The two went back to Kaneki’s apartment. Kaneki looked for the book, hidden in the back of his bedroom with his small collection of science fiction. It wasn’t his favorite genre, but there were a few books he cherished. His favorites were by Ray Bradbury and H.P. Lovecraft. To Kaneki’s surprise Suzuya started reading the book right away. Kaneki tried to explain that he was lending it, but Suzuya was quickly engrossed. He stayed at Kaneki’s apartment for an hour or two, reading in total silence. Kaneki simply left him with his book as he got some of his homework done. Eventually, Suzuya realized how late it was getting and got up to go, grabbing the toy giraffe.

“You should name him,” said Kaneki. “It’s your new friend, so it needs a name.”

Suzuya looked into the giraffes black bead eyes. “I’m gonna call you… Bradbury.”

* * *

 _Two and a half months after divergence point_  


“So how are things going with the transfer kid?” asked Hide. He and Kaneki were walking to their class again, Kaneki looking exhausted as always. As he thought about the question, a spark of energy shot through his sleep deprived body. “He’s… interesting, that’s for sure. I don’t really understand him at all.”

Hide patted Kaneki’s shoulder supportively. “I hope he’s not too bad.”

“He’s not bad just confusing, I think. I feel like there’s a lot going on his his life that we wouldn’t understand.”

“What do you mean?”

“He has a totally different perspective. I get the sense he has trouble relating to people because the way he sees the world is different. He’s not mean though. He’s kind of…cute.”

“Should I be getting jealous?”

“ No no no no” said Kaneki in panic. “He’s cute like a kid. Like I want to adopt him.”

“Can you adopt someone your own age? That’s kind of weird. He might be rubbing off on you.”

Hide waited for Kaneki’s response. When he didn’t get one, he turned to see his friend had stopped walking. He was staring off in the distance, his body totally still.

“What’s wrong, Kaneki.”

“It’s her.”

The two were approached by a woman. It took Hide a second to recognize her. Rize Kamishiro.

“Hello Kaneki,” she said. “It’s been a little while.”

Hide wrapped an arm around Kaneki. “We’re dating now!” he said, his demeanor somewhere between joyful and openly threatening.

“I’m glad to hear that. I just feel awkward about how things ended,” said Rize. “I’d still like to talk to you. About books and stuff, I mean. Would that be okay?”

Kaneki nodded, but his expression was one of pure terror.

 

* * *

 

Juuzou stretched lazily on his bed. He leaned back and pulled Bradbury in for a tight hug. Then he reluctantly rolled over and looked at his laptop, open on the nightstand by the bed. He groaned. It was time for his daily check in. He turned on the webcam and waited for the skype call. Shinohara’s face appeared on the monitor.

“I hope you had another good day at school.”

Juuzou pouted. “It was boring. Just like the others.”

“I know this isn’t a fun assignment, but it’s important to the CCG and you are one of the few Investigators who can do it.”

“I thought I was trained to fight ghouls, not take stupid classes on history and math and stuff.”

“It’s important. We think there’s a Detector on that campus. Finding them would make it easier to find ghouls.”

“So I’m looking for a person so they can look for ghouls.” Juuzou flopped back against the bed. “Typical government inefficiency.”

Shinohara sighed. “It also wouldn’t hurt you to interact with people your own age. You might make a friend or two.”

Juuzou sat up.  “I have a friend already.”

“Oh really? Already?”

“Yep!” Juuzou pulled the stuffed giraffe into view. “Say hello to Bradbury.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oro did a bunch of drawing for the last chapter:
> 
> Hide confronting Kaneki's aunt:  
> http://orogenese.tumblr.com/post/174441152263/for-want-of-a-nail-a-fanfiction-written-by
> 
> Hide imagining Kaneki sleeping in a book:  
> http://orogenese.tumblr.com/post/174441148523/for-want-of-a-nail-a-fanfiction-written-by
> 
> Kaneki and Kafka-kun:  
> http://orogenese.tumblr.com/post/174441150908/for-want-of-a-nail-a-fanfiction-written-by
> 
> Also, check out this cute drawing of Juuzou from the end of this chapter:  
> http://orogenese.tumblr.com/post/174479908538/for-want-of-a-nail-a-fanfiction-written-by


	5. You didn't think the Fluff would last forever, did you?

__

_ Two and a half months after divergence point _

“Shhh, Kaneki, it’s okay. You’re with me. You’re fine.”

Kaneki was still having trouble breathing, even as Hide reassuringly wrapped his arms around him. He could not bring himself to care about the possibility that every student on campus could see them. As far as he was concerned, the world only consisted of him and Hide.

“I’m trying…” Kaneki gasped.

“Take it easy buddy,” said Hide gently. “It’s gonna take you a little while to calm down. That’s normal. Just try to ease into it.”

“Okay.” Kaneki said, feeling like he did not have much say in the matter. As they got about halfway to his apartment, his breathing was slowly returning to normal. Perhaps the proximity to a familiar location was helping. Kaneki just wished he understood the rules for this kind of thing.

“I don’t understand why this keeps happening.”

“Does it feel like the other times?” asked Hide.

“Yeah. It happens as soon as Rize or Nishiki gets close to me. It feels like a tidal wave hits me.”

Hide nodded thoughtfully. “There definitely seems to be a pattern.”

“It’s been happening more and more lately. I remember feeling this way sometimes when I would go into the city as a kid, and around Coach Ito. But now it happens on a regular basis.”

“Is there something about these people that sets you off?” Hide loosened his grip around Kaneki as he fumbled for his apartment keys. The two entered the apartment and sat down on the couch. Kaneki nuzzled up against Hide’s body.

“I don’t think there’s a common factor. It just seems to happen around certain people.” Hide was quiet for a moment, the gears in his head turning. 

“I always felt sort of weird around Nishiki, and we both know Ito turned out to be bad news. Does something bother you about Rize?”

“No! I actually still want to get to know her.”

“You realize that if you want to date her,  that ship has sailed.” Hide playfully nudged Kaneki with his elbow.

“I know, but we still have a lot in common. I kind of still want to see her again.”

“Don’t feel like you have to just because you bailed on your date with her.”

“I know. I just still think she’s an interesting person.”

“Okay.” Hide did not look convinced. “Speaking of interesting people, how are thing going with Juuzou?”

“Pretty good actually. I basically bribe him with sweets. It works pretty well.”

“I’m starting to feel a little weird around him in class.”

Kaneki sighed. “There is a lot going on in his head. I would not be surprised to learn that he went through a lot of pain when he was younger.”

“What makes you say that?”

Kaneki though back over his encounters with their new classmate. “In many ways it seems like he’s stuck in childhood, but he clearly missed out on a lot of things that define most childhood. He didn’t know what a stuffed animal is.”

“That’s weird.” Hide had a look of pity on his face. “Poor guy.”

“But in some ways he’s very mature. He is totally self-confident and is capable of getting whatever he needs.”

“It’s interesting,” said Hide. “He’s kind of like the opposite of you. “ The two snuggled up on Kaneki’s couch. Kaneki was now mostly calm, and relaxed against Hide’s body.

“Be careful around him, okay?” Hide warned.

* * *

Hide had the sinking feeling that he was developing a bad habit. The worst part was how good he was at it. For someone who dressed so brightly, was so loud, and wore all his emotions on his face, he was shockingly sneaky. Hide was a little bit worried at how good he had gotten at following people. For the most part, he just followed them home, curious to see what they were like when nobody was watching. For the most part people were what they appeared to be, which Hide was fine with. That meant they probably were not a threat to Kaneki.

But, after the incident with Coach Ito, he couldn’t afford to take chances; Kaneki needed someone to look out for him. There were all sorts of dangerous people in the world. Normal humans could be bad enough, but ghouls were something else entirely. Over the last few years, Hide had become convinced that the CCG did not have as good a control of the ghoul population as they appeared to. There was a whole ghoul society that almost nobody understood. 

Hide was content to let them be, as long as they stayed away from Kaneki.

Hide doubted anybody he knew was a ghoul, but it never hurt to check. It was even harder to tell if someone was a regular old murderer, so he had to be thorough. Most people he looked into checked out, at least at first glance. Some of them had secrets, but nothing that worried Hide.. Everyone hides things from the world’s eyes, but it was mostly harmless stuff. But lately two people had been rubbing Hide the wrong way, and he felt the need to take a deeper look. Rize and Juuzou were both odd people, and their sudden interest in Kaneki was unsettling.

Hide was sure he was being paranoid, but this realization didn’t stop him from sitting outside of Rize’s apartment late at night. 

It was a small building, known for cheap, short term leases. Hide had asked some of the neighbors about Rize, pretending to be working up the courage to tell her he had a crush. According to them, Rize spends a lot of time at home and had few visitors. She had come into town only recently, and seemed like she could move out at any time.

She did not appear to live an exciting life. Tonight, like most nights, she was staying in. Hide could see through the window of her apartment that she was deep in a book. He knew that she could spend hours reading if she was anything like Kaneki, and that she probably planned to read for the rest of the night. 

He checked his watch and decided to head back. If she was hiding something, he doubted that he would get any evidence for it tonight. If Rize was putting on an act, she was pretending to be a very boring person. He decided to check up on the other subject of his investigation.

As he walked away from Rize’s building, he saw something move out of the corner of his eye. He turned towards a shadowy alley, seeing someone move through the dark. He rushed over for a closer look.. Hide got a glimpse of the person, but they were gone in a second, disappearing into the night. However, what little he thought he saw couldn’t be right. Why would someone wearing a clown mask at this time of night? He must be getting tired. His imagination must be getting out of hand. 

It was probably nothing.

* * *

__  
  


Hide came up on Juuzou’s dorm building. It was a normal, fairly crowded dorm. Most of the students there knew each other pretty well. One of Hide’s classmates would usually let him in. It was a casual, carefree environment, and also a great source of gossip. Hide often used the common room as a resource to get to know things about people that they would never admit to him. 

However, Juuzou was an exception. Nobody seemed to know anything about him. As far as he could tell, Kaneki was closer to him than anyone else on school.

Hide casually made the rounds in the common room, pretending to listen to small talk from his classmates as he carefully fished for detail on Juuzou. Nobody had anything of interest. He gave up and made a quick check on Juuzou’s room, expecting it to be locked. To his surprise, the door was slightly ajar, with the light turned off inside. Maybe Juuzou was somewhere else in the building? Hide decided to take a quick peak in the room.

It was an unusual room for a college student. There were no posters, no mementos, and no books. There were a lot of drawings. They were made with crayon, but too detailed to be the work of a child. There was also a pile of stuffed animals, likely bought by Kaneki. There were also candy wrappers strewn everywhere. The closet was mostly empty, and the clothing in it looked too big for Juuzou.

Hide was too absorbed in observation to realize how long he had been in someone else’s room. He turned to head out before he was noticed, but he knew he was too late when he saw Juuzou standing in the doorway, eerily still. His face had a cheerful smile totally unfitting of the context of this situation. 

“What are you looking around my room for?” asked Juuzou, no hint of malice in his voice, if anything he seemed amused.

Hide had no idea how to respond, but he never had the time to think of anything anyway. In seconds Juuzou leapt across the room and drop kicked Hide, knocking him to the floor. Stumbling and falling back onto Juuzou’s bed, Hide groaned and struggled to get back on his feet, all the while, Juuzou watched with genuine curiosity.

“You’re not a ghoul, are you?” He asked. Hide could only wince in response. Juuzou shrugged and punched Hide on the side of his head. He was unconscious in seconds.

* * *

Hide came to in a brightly lit room, the kind you see in interrogation scenes in police movies. Across from him was Juuzou, sitting on top the table in front of him. Juuzou was kicking his legs lazily and a had a look of curiosity on his face. Hide wondered how long Juuzou  had been waiting to return to consciousness.

“Where am I?” asked Hide.

“CCG headquarters,” answered Juuzou. “You’re definitely not a ghoul, but we’re not sure what your deal is, so, my friend is going to ask you some questions. “

“You’re a CCG agent?”

“Yep!” Juuzou hopped off the table and assumed a stiff, official looking posture. “I’m on an undercover assignment. I hang out with people my own age and lie to them all day long.”

“What did you lie about?” Hide’s mind was racing to put together the situation. The dull pain in his head was not helping.

“I just lied to you right now. The guy you’ll be talking to isn’t my friend. “

As if on cue, the door opened and another young man stepped in. He was about Hide’s age, but carried himself like someone older. His skin was pale and incredibly smooth. His face looked like a doll’s. Fittingly, his expression was still, and felt artificial. He smiled, but without mirth. His face was like a mask, set in the same expression all the time, never giving anything away about the man’s mind.

“I’m Investigator Nimura Furuta.” He stood on the other side of the table. “I hate these interrogation rooms. Why don’t we do this at my desk?” Furuta grabbed Hide’s wrist and pulled him out of his chair. “Come with me,” he said, dragging Hide without looking him in the eye. 

They passed through a white hallway and came to a large atrium. It was not clear that they were in the heart of a large office building, full of people in suits and trench coats busily walking from room to room, most carrying stacks of files, despite the lateness in the day. The atmosphere was busy but dispassionate. Hide realized that the people who worked here must be emotionally detached from the things being done in this building. Furuta pulled Hide into a warmly lit elevator.

“Are you just going to keep me in suspense about why I’m here?” asked Hide. “If you’re trying to creep me out it isn’t working. I’m just annoyed.”

Furuta smiled and said nothing. He hummed along to the mellow elevator music.

“So are they hiring people out of middle school now?” Hide tried again, hoping to provoke some sort of reaction. Then maybe Furuta would give something away. “You can’t be much older than me, and Juuzou looks to young to be unsupervised, let alone undercover.” 

Furuta wasn’t taking the bait. He kept humming until the elevator doors opened. Then he dragged Hide across a bullpen. THere were cubicles full of highly trained investigators doing the most boring part of their job.

“I’ve got a lovely desk. They gave it to me after Investigator Mado died, and my partner and I took over the Binge Eater investigation. I’m in charge of interviews and public relations because my partner is… lacking in social skills.“

“What do I have to do with the Binge Eater?” asked Hide.

“Probably nothing. Here, a take a seat.”

Furuta’s desk was cluttered with an odd assortment of toys and junk. There was a box of stickers, a squeezy stress toy, a beat-up looking Furby, and a copy of the book  _ The Man in the High Castle.  _ His computer had a photo of J. Edgar Hoover taped to it. Hide’s eye was drawn to a toy dinosaur near the keyboard.

“Sorry about the mess. I find this stuff relaxes me, clears my mind from the gorier details of my work.” He reached into a bowl and pulled out a piece of hard licorice candy, the kind nobody likes. He pushed it into Hide’s mouth. Furuta then grabbed a toy dinosaur, pushing a button to make its mouth open. This was accompanied by an electronic roar. Furuta moved the toy to Hide’s hand, releasing the button so the toy could bite Hide’s finger.

“What kind of investigator has a toy Metriacanthosaurus?” asked Hide after he swallowed the candy, his voice dripping with annoyance. The taste of licorice was on his tongue.

“What kind of Foreign Language Major recognizes a Metriacanthosaurus on sight?” Furuta retorted. “But you’re not a normal student. You’re very observant. That’s why you sent the CCG that anonymous tip, all those years ago.”

“That can’t be what this is about.”

“Sort of.” Furuta had a sing-song quality to his voice, but the melody was dissonant. “That tip is what led me to look into your friend Kaneki. Could you tell me about him?”

“What could you possibly want with him?” Hide hoped the irritation in his voice was hiding his increased worry. Sure he might be in trouble for breaking into an undercover CCG agent’s room, but this was getting weird. And why was an agent at their school anyway? “You guys aren’t supposed to be able to investigate humans anyway. Spying on us is against the law, unless you have evidence that we’re ghoul collaborators.”

“True, but you should pay attention to modern politics. The United States has always been paranoid about ghouls, ever since one ate President Taft. They’ve merged that with their paranoia about terrorists and have merged their tactics for investigating both. This means they can detain anyone for any reason if there is a connection to ghouls and/or terrorists.  In response to attacks by a suspected ghoul group called Aogiri, the government of Japan has agreed to collaborate with their agencies, and has adopted their policies.”

Furate leaned in close to Hide. “This means we can basically do whatever we want to you.”

“I still don’t see how I’m connected to a ghoul investigation in the first place.”

“Ah, there’s the interesting part. You aren’t. You appear to be a painfully ordinary kid. But a little while back, we apprehended a ghoul who was a janitor at Kamii. In exchange for better accomodations at Cochlea he gave us some interesting information.”

“What’s Cochlea?”

Furate ignored Hide and continued. “He told us he picked up the scent of a Detector on campus, and that it was probably one of the students. Detectors are a rare asset for the CCG, so we’re trying to find this kid.” Furuta picked up a Spider-man action figure. “With great power comes great responsibility. A Detector could use his gift for great things. Just like in the movies!”

“I’m more of a comics guy. Also, they only said that in the first movie. They stopped saying it in the reboots.”

“I don’t read the comics. They’re much sillier than the movies.”

Hide rolled his eyes. He was quickly deciding Furuta was the worst person he had ever met. “You still haven’t said-“  Furuta interrupted Hide by shoving another licorice candy into his mouth.

“I’m getting to that. Usually we would have to check medical records for traits associated with detectors, which takes a while.”

“It’s also an invasion of privacy.” Hide spat out the candy.

Furate responded by taking a sticker that said “I’m a smart boy”  out of the bowl, attaching it to Hide’s forehead. “I was able to narrow down the pool by cross-referencing it with people who had ghoul encounters before. This led us to you and Kaneki.”

Furuta leaned in close to Hide. 

His was still smiling, but the tone of his voice turned serious. “Someone as observant as you is likely putting together whether your friend is a Detector or not. I’ll let you go if you tell me something useful.”

Hide laughed. His brain as quickly putting puzzle pieces together and he finally saw the big picture. “I never thought of it before, but Kaneki being a Detector would explain a lot. If you agree to leave us alone I’ll tell you the name of a ghoul he found.”

“Done deal” said Furuta sweetly.

“Rize Kamishiro.”

* * *

__  
  


They made Hide wait at headquarters for a few more hours. By now it must have been about five in the morning.  A sleek government issue SUV dropped Hide back at Kamii. Juuzou escorted Hide back to his apartment. “You’re still going to be keeping an eye on us, aren’t you ?”

Juuzou sighed. “I wish I didn’t have to. This assignment is super boring. But at least I’m getting free candy and stuffed animals out of it.”

“Kaneki’s innocent in all of this. He doesn’t deserve to be exposed to the world of ghouls and investigators.”

“You may be right, but I don’t call the shots.” Juuzou took out Hide’s keys. Hide had not even realized they were missing; Juuzou must have taken them while he was unconscious. Juuzou pulled him into the apartment by his arm. The boy was much stronger than he looked. Juuzou peered around the kitchen.

“I figure it’s only fair that I look into your place since you looked into mine.” Hide had a sinking feeling. He knew what Juuzou was going to find and knew he could do nothing to stop it. Juuzou whistled to himself as he looked around the apartment. He stopped when he looked into Hide’s bedroom.

“I don’t think we’ll be able to ignore this, either.” He gestured to the walls of the room, which were plastered with maps and photographs. The room was lined with all of the information Hide had collected about ghoul activity in the area around the campus.

“You’d make a good investigator, Hide.” Juuzou’s voice had a rare hint of sadness. “Too bad we’ll have to keep an eye on you.” He pulled out his phone and quickly texted something. “They’re going to want to investigate this scene. You can stay in my dorm.”

Hide and Juuzou walked back across campus back to the dorm building. The sun was starting to come up now. They passed by the empty common room. They approached the door to Juuzou’s room, and Hide saw again that it was slightly ajar. This time however, the lock had been forced off. Juuzou carefully opened the door and looked in the room. Hide gasped when he saw who was inside.

“Oh, hello Hide! I wasn’t expecting to see you.” Rize was sitting on Juuzou’s bed, holding the stuffed giraffe. Her dress was stained with blood, but she had no visible wounds.

“The weirdest thing happened to me a few hours ago,” she continued. “ A group of Doves busted into my apartment. I had a productive chat with them and convinced them to tell me another Dove was on campus.”

Juuzou was across the room in the blink of an eye. Red tentacles materialized out of Rize’s back and flung him into the wall. He got back up in a second and whipped out a pair of throwing knives. They glinted in the morning light, their purple color revealing they were not made of normal metal. Juuzou moved in a blur. Before Hide could even process what was happening he pinned two of Rize’s kagune to the wall with them. He threw two more blades, hitting the remaining kagune at the base. They flailed for a moment before going limp.

Rize howled with fury. She kicked Juuzou, again sending him crashing into the wall. And again, Juuzou was back up in a flash, brandishing even more blades. Rize allowed her Kagune to disintegrate, unpinning her. She used the newfound maneuverability to sidestep Juuzou, who was slashing away with wild abandon. Rize waited for an opening and grabbed Juuzou by the neck. He plunged the blades into her arm, expertly slicing her tendons. Rize roared as she realized her arm no longer had the strength to crush Juuzou’s neck. With the last ounce of strength she hurled Juuzou, sending him crashing through the window.

Rize turned to Hide. Her right arm went limp. She knew they were on the second floor and Juuzou was probably still alive. She regrew her kagune pointed the tips at Hide. She grabbed his collar with her good arm. 

“You’re coming with me,” she hissed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the record, the song playing in the elevator was a smooth, mellow Muzak cover of Unravel.


End file.
